In Four Parts
by marcasite
Summary: These are the parts that make us whole.


Thank you to Liz for the read through and this is for the FRATERNIZING challenge.

* * *

_But the disparaging of those we love always alienates us from them to some extent. We must not touch our idols; the gilt comes off in our hands. -Gustave Flaubert_

**4**

She's changing. I hardly know her, my own daughter. And it tears me apart to see it.

I thought things would be different, after he changed. He seemed to be a new man and now I'm only realizing that it's more of the same, really. I wasn't lying to Elton when I told him I would protect them both until the end of my life, I just wished that it didn't have to be at the expense of my own sanity.

I never know where she is, what she's doing. I lie awake at night imagining the horrors that she's facing and it's not really a stretch. I've seen some of the Doctor's life right here in London and I know it's nothing compared to what's out there. I feel so trapped here, wishing she would just stay and not leave again.

I realize that I'm partially to blame for this, for where I am today. I think I might've raised her to be a little bit selfish, a little bit needy and I never realized it until now. The last time I saw her she was in tears over Mickey and a part of me thought that this would finally be the catalyst that brings her home to me for good.

I was wrong; it only convinced her that being with the Doctor was the only thing left in her life.

She doesn't realize what this is doing to me and I think I hate her a little for that.

**3**

I miss her. Everyday, every afternoon, every evening. I miss her.

I look at the stars and I know that they are not the same stars they are traveling through, not the same moon, not the same sun. His words echo around my head constantly and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them.

_We can't ever return_.

I also think about how close they were, how "together" they seemed. From the moment she met him, I became an after thought. She pursued the Doctor and the mystery that was forming around her with such a passion and I faded away. I've traveled with them, I've seen the "them" up close and there really wasn't room for me. Yeah, we had something once but I am not sure that will ever go away completely.

For me.

Because it was never about me and her. Her and I. There would never be a choice for her, the choice was made the day she met him.

So here I am, in another world and I still think about her. Jake says that I need to move on, need to meet someone else but I am not completely sure I can. She changes your life completely and never leaves you the same again.

Something I'm only starting to learn.

**2**

I need her. I knew she was special when she grabbed my arm and told, no demanded, that I start from the beginning. Despite my hesitance, I knew things would never be the same for me. I can still see the look in her eyes as I held her hand and we stared at each other, _"…And I can feel it. We're falling through space, you and me. Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go..."_

It's mad really, how much I need her. I've been alone for so long, telling myself that I didn't need another human friend, didn't need anyone at all. I had convinced myself that I was better off and then I met her. Her smile alone sparkled and I think a small part of me was captivated.

Traveling with her is simply amazing. I know that a part of me needs to impress her, to show off all that I can give her. I love taking her back and forth through time and to many different worlds, love showing her all that I can do. But in the end, she is the one who humbles me, surprises me.

When she came back to save me on Satellite 5, I can't even put into words how that changed me, regeneration aside. That someone could do something so profound for me simply because they believed in. Cared for me. It's been so long and I'd been alone to long.

_I want you safe. My Doctor. Protected from the false God._

I need her and I know it's only a matter of time before I lose her.

**1**

They are my family, all that I have left.

My Mum who spent her days worrying over me and only now do I see the toll it had taken on her. My mum who finally, finally has her daughter where she needs her, close to home. I was in consolable the first year after being trapped on this world and I don't think I could've made it without my mum. In the past, I had been disdainful, selfish in my urge to leave her behind.

I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without her now.

My Mickey, who I know I used poor and only now, that we've been reunited, can understand and appreciate how much I really needed him. How much he needed me and how very little I gave to him in return for all that I took. We've forged a strong friendship and though things will never be the way they were between us (such a long time ago), we have something new, something different and I swore I will never take it for granted.

And my Doctor. The man who could change his face and my life all in such a short period of time. I will never be the same for having met him and I have so many memories, so many moments from our life together. We were together, him and I, and I know I am a better person so I have no regrets at the path my life took. I still miss him and I think I will always love him. I look at back at how complacent we had become and how so very sure we were. We were both so wrong and it cost us.

_How long are you gonna stay with me? Forever._

But in the end, I'm safe with what's left of my family and I'm going to thank him for the rest of life by making him proud of me.

I plan on having a fantastic life.


End file.
